The Tao of Martha
“So I decide to decorate the front hallway, too.I find creepy old black draping online and I spread this spooky, holey fabric across the tops of the hall bookcases. Then I adorn them with realistic crow and rat figurines and I cover the wall on the way into the dining room with big black paper spiders. Even though they’re only two-dimensional, they stop my heart every time I come down the stairs. The paper arachnids made Fletch yelp the first time he saw them, so I can verify they’re totally ban...k.(Yes, I’m still trying to make “bank” happen.)I also spread some of that awful spiderweb stuff you always see on people’s bushes, but it’s so sticky that I quickly abandon its use. Later, when I catch Hambone not only taking a dump in the laundry room, but also tangled in a cloud of webs from the banister, I’m glad of this decision.As for me, the time has come to face my most personal of demons…the purchasing and wearing of a costume. I thought that a banana suit would be a hilarious choice, à la Arrested Development’s Gob Bluth, but the shipper couldn’t guarantee delivery until mid-November.MoreLess
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